the day after is always just damage control
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
