it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
