you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Less talking, more tequila
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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