i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
