I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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