No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
