i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
