I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
