I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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