"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
