I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
