Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
