For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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