Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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