i think i have herpe
just one?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
