the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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