I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
