the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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