and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
