she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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