So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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