Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
