Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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