My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
