Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
