He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I want a musical about memes.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
