I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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