Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
