im drinking this country out of the recession.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
me + whiskey = a bad person
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
