i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
