Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know š
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
And, by āmake you dinnerā I mean āhave lots of sex and multiple orgasms.ā So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
