So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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