How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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