Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
