Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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