True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
