That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
