...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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