i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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