Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
FUCK WHALES
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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