I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
