that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
