Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
