It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
