Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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