Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
