Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
