dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
