So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
