I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
