I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
