I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
