Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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