I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
