Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
