Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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