I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
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His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I came so hard my ears popped.
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