you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
