Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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