The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
