Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
