I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
