Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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