I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
