I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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