She's JV to your varsity
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Randomize
