I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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