im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
