I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
