If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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