The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
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btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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