dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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