My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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