You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
