I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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