I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
