Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
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I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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