I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize