I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Go christen that room with your naked body.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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